Santoecha: Why I chose breast reconstruction

"For a long time, my attending doctors led me to believe that breast-conserving surgery would suffice and that my breast would therefore not be amputated. But a week before the operation it turned out that it would have to be a complete amputation after all. I don't like this approach of delivering the bad news bit by bit each time. Had they told me the news earlier, I could have prepared better for it."

Less woman

"I expected not to feel 'whole' after an amputation. Scarring I would be left with both amputation and breast-conserving surgery. So I don't think that was the problem. To my mind, when my breast was removed, something essential would be taken from me. Something that had been part of me since adolescence. In my mind, I would then be "less of a woman. Only later would I realize that having or not having breasts has nothing to do with femininity. Femininity is within you. Still, I decided to undergo reconstruction after the amputation.

It actually never occurred to me to go through life with only 1 breast. I found myself too young for that. But even if I had been 20 years older, I would have chosen reconstruction. Perhaps it was vanity. I had a G-cup, so one less breast, that would stand out. And because I missed the weight of a large breast on the one hand, I might suffer from neck and back pain and skew my posture. I wasn't expecting that at all. But I can also imagine that some women don't choose it. If your body has already been through a whole mill, you really don't need another reconstruction on top of it. Because I got breast cancer at a young age, fortunately that also had advantages; after all, my body was fit enough to undergo a few more recovery surgeries."

Under the knife

"Although my body was strong enough to go under the knife a few times, it didn't always want to cooperate. Radiation had burned my skin so much that reconstruction with my own back muscle proved impossible. My first surgeon had no alternatives for that. Fortunately, I was assigned another surgeon who could help me. He understood my concerns and said he would personally see to it that I could wear a bikini again without shame. He kept his word. For this surgery, I had to wait a year and a half because I had opted for recovery surgery with my own body fat. But then you had to have the extra pounds, so I was given the opportunity to gain as much weight as possible first. Actually, I didn't have the patience to wait a year and a half. But looking back on it now, I'm glad I lasted that period. After all, the DIEP flap* operation is a drain on the body. The surgery takes 12 hours and requires quite a bit of recovery time. The prescribed month to rest is something you should definitely stick to."

Inflamed scars

"Sitting still is not for me and this time was no different. After only two weeks I was back in school. That wasn't very smart because my scars tore, which in turn inflamed, and before I knew it I was in a vicious circle of wounds that wouldn't heal. Rest was the only thing that brought solace. After the DIEP flap operation I had two further breast reductions of my healthy breast.

The scars on my abdomen do not look pretty. Twice the scars were reoperated on, but they continued to look like red and swollen stretch marks. After 2 times of cutting away, my surgeon thought it was enough, and I was injected 3 more separate times with an agent into my scars so that they would not look so unsettled. Unfortunately, these post-treatments did not help: my scars still look as if I have just had surgery. And yet, after all the pain and time the recovery surgeries took, I would still recommend reconstruction to others. If only to stand out less in a world where perfection is often the norm. That is by all means my choice."

Written by Santukha Rangai

*: A DIEP flap surgery (Deep Inferior Epigastric Artery Perforator flap) uses skin and fat from the abdomen between the navel and pubic area to create a new breast. Source: https://www.mariamiddelares.be/nl/zorgaanbod/behandelingen-en-testen/borstreconstructie-met-diep-flap