Breast cancer, the fight and road to recovery

"November 2020, I started hormone therapy. I was given Tamoxifen, an anti-hormone preparation that prevents estrogen from being produced. This would prevent new breast cancer from developing. But I have to take these pills for about 7 years, and I didn't like that at all.

Will I ever become the same me again?

I suffered quite a lot of side effects: headaches, muscle and joint pain, sudden crying spells and fatigue. The chemotherapy also made me suffer from neuropathy, which is tingling fingertips and feet. You seem to walk on sand all day, making it almost impossible to go for long walks.

Because of all that, I entered a downward spiral. Normally the side effects would subside after about six months, but nothing could be further from the truth. After consulting with the oncologist, we decided to stop taking Tamoxifen for six weeks so my body and mind could get some rest. After that break I felt a lot better.

In January 2021, I switched to Letrozole and from the beginning, I did a lot better with this drug. The side effects are a lot less. Of course, there are those dip days sometimes with crying fits or mood swings, but it's not too bad. The pain is also better under control. The fatigue is also better, but I do get tired faster and start sweating heavily after exertion. It is unfortunate that the neuropathy still persists. As a result, I am sometimes limited in physical actions. I keep telling myself that I can keep this up for about five or six years. I remain optimistic.

Uneven breasts

What annoyed me more and more were those uneven breasts. So I jokingly called them "mini" and "maxi. Not funny. I may have had a prosthesis for under my clothes, but I could still see the difference.

So I scheduled another plastic surgery appointment. The left breast is smaller now and I'm back to wearing shirts that fit "normally" and with cleavage. It feels a lot more comfortable.

I also had to have my right breast checked in the meantime. A mammogram was not possible because of the plastic surgery on my left breast. And my right breast, from which the tumor was removed, is still too sensitive due to still hard adhesions from the surgery and radiation. The doctors and I decided to do an ultrasound. This took only 20 minutes and was not painful at all. Fortunately, moreover, everything turned out to be fine.

Moving!

Shortly after that, my life took a fine new turn. I was moving and living closer to my children. There was a lot involved in that. My body and mind were not yet functioning optimally. I wrote everything down on sticky notes so I didn't forget to pack anything. I didn't want to let the cancer hold me back so I lifted and lugged heavy boxes. I used to not turn my hand to anything so now I don't want to either. How proud I was of myself that everything was packed.

Finally, moving day arrived, a particularly stressful day. My body ached a lot and I was indescribably tired. The adrenaline from the past few weeks had worked up. That's one of the things I'm struggling with: I can't carry on as I did before the breast cancer. I went to a temporary sleepover to unwind.

Almost two years after treatment

Almost two years after the treatments, I am still taking Letrozole, which still makes me more tired than before. I also feel a whole lot older because of these treatments. I so wanted to be a smooth, confident, sociable, enterprising grandmother with long dark blond hair who could do anything with her granddaughter. I have always been a strong woman and want to keep telling myself that things will keep getting a little better. Hopefully it will!

I recently celebrated my 65th birthday at my new place, cozy with the kids and my granddaughter. We had a nice dinner together and I was spoiled with gift certificates for the further decoration of my little house. Still, most of all we enjoyed each other, and I hope to do that for a long time to come. I have a lot of mental and physical support from those around me, especially my children. Together we go on and enjoy all that is beautiful in life, above all my granddaughter whom I would love to see grow up. I say: carpe diem, seize the day."